Dear Killer Moth,
I feel for you. Everyone thinks that moths are harmless. They are horribly mistaken. Moths are easily the deadliest animals in existence. What other animal is so clearly the evil twin of another animal?
Dolphin and porpoise: The same to everyone who is not a marine biologist.
Alligator and crocodile: Different snout, essentially cosmetic differences
Frog and toad: Both croak, both eat bugs
Turtle and tortoise: One prefers arid climates, one is a ninja, otherwise the same animal
Butterfly: Suckles the nectar of flowers
Moth: EATS CLOTHES
Butterfly: Curly antennae
Moth: EVIL FURRY ANTENNAE
Moth: LEAVES HORRIBLE DEATH DUST ON EVERYTHING IT TOUCHES
Butterfly: Flutters around springtime gardens
Moth: ATTACKS ONLY AT NIGHT
Butterfly: Has entire sanctuaries devoted to its beauty
Moth: LIKES FIRE
You are not a joke supervillain in my book. What everyone else doesn’t realize is how much they’ve underestimated the moth.
My shrink says I have mottephobia. I say I’m cautious.