Dear Dr. Doom,


Dear Dr. Doom,

What exactly are you a doctor of? Evil? Do you have a Ph.D. in Doomonology? Maybe you should have become a real doctor so you could give yourself some plastic surgery instead of wearing a metal mask to cover up that scar on your face. There’s no way that mask is comfortable, and surely it restricts your vision when fighting the Fantastic Four. It doesn’t even have all the cool infrared vision and tracking systems of Ironman’s, it’s just a mask! The whole “Man in the Iron Mask” thing is so overdone, anyways: Ironman, War Machine, Rocket Red, the Shredder, Samus Aran, the Power Rangers’ helmets are probably metal, Darth Vader, Leonardo DiCaprio, etc. Does the green cloak actually add anything important, or was it a conscious decision to look like a robotic peasant?

I am concerned about your mental health. While I’m well aware that your name is Victor Van Doom, that doesn’t mean that you have to give so wholly into social pressure. You are the victim of labeling, Vic. Were you evil as a child, or did you yearn to rescue kittens from trees and help little old ladies cross the street when you grew up? You have to be true to yourself, Vic, don’t let other people define who you are. If you want to be a good guy, get yourself a Doom-signal and some Doomerangs and go out and beat up some bad guys (please refrain from talking like you’ve been smoking three packs a day since Hiroshima, though). Let nothing hold you back, for you are Doom! (However, I HIGHLY suggest changing your last name to something like “Goodenheimer” or “McNotsoevil” before attempting this.)

Keith McGuffey

About Keith McGuffey

Exposed to dangerous levels of toxic radiation after his home planet exploded, Keith McGuffey’s spaceship crash landed on Earth! Developing super powers derived from his connection to the mystical Amethyst of Kashyyyk and trained in martial arts by his mysterious sensei Stalk, Keith McGuffey would grow up to become… Keith McGuffey!