Dear Uatu the Watcher,
Is watching everything really a good use of your vast and semi-infinite cosmic powers? You’re like a binge watching Hulu subscriber: It’s all you do with your free time. You’re like a really bad anthropologist. Are there even anthropologists in the Marvel Universe if you exist? When a professor is presenting his research about an isolated tribe he interacted with in the dense jungles of Malaysia, are you in the back of the room letting everyone know that you knew about them first?
You’ve taken an oath not to mess with anything that happens on Earth, but you break it over the smallest thing. I have seriously been surprised when I’m about to sneeze and you’re not there to warn me to cover my nose right before hand.
How do you decide what to watch? Do the cosmos recommend events for you like Netflix? And how do you remember everything that’s happened? Shouldn’t you write something down or talk into a giant tape recorder or make a vine with a cosmic iPhone or something?
And by the way, if you’re going to watch us all the time, you should at least give us some presents at the end of the year.