The Geektastics

Dear Shredder,I really like the look. I know a lot of people don’t, but the cape plus cheese slicer look is a bold decision. Everyone i know is like “Meh meh the throne from Game of Thrones is so dangerous to sit on because it’s made of swords and can cut you when you sit […]

Dear Lady Stilt-Man, WHAT?! I was googling Stilt-Man because I was thinking “Man, how funny would it be to make fun of a guy who thought that just having giant telescoping stilts would be a great way to beat up on Spider-Man?” And then I found you. There’s a lot wrong with you, and that’s […]

Dear Rita Repulsa, Why didn’t you just start every fight with the giant version of your monsters? Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result is a definition of insanity.  And every encounter with the Power Rangers is the same: Send down evil monster with the Putty Patrol, get karated to […]

Dear Two-Face, Who is your tailor? Do they custom make each half your suits, or do they just take two regular suits and meticulously sew them together? If I wanted to be one of your lackeys, do I have to buy two suits and get them sewn together? Can I make a reverse suit with […]

Dear Black Manta, You’re easily the coolest Aquaman villain. It probably feels like that’s not saying that much, since his villains include his half-brother Ocean Master, the Scavenger, and the Fisherman, but in your defense, Aquaman doesn’t have many villains. I already waxed poetic on how Batman’s villains are only good because of the numbers […]

Dear the Masters of Evil, There’s no way you guys thought that was a good name. There’s no way you could ever defend yourself in a court of law with that name. You’ve instantly put all your motives into question if you ever try to go straight. Baron Zemo beat up a mugger who held […]

Dear Electro, Why are there so many other characters with electric powers that are better at using them than you?  Aren’t you like electricity personified? Why does Black Lightning, a C-list and character from the Outsiders, have better control over electricity than you? Do you think Spider-Man ever runs to Thor and is like, “Hey, […]

Dear Captain Cold, If the New 52 has taught me anything, it’s that there’s no way to make you cool. Get it? Cool? …Anyway… Aren’t there better ways to use a cold making gun to make money besides robbing banks and making guys that run really fast slip? For example: Snow Cone engineer Ice hockey […]

Dear Bizarro, Talking like it’s Opposite Day is really confusing.  For instance, let’s say I want to ask you what you want for your birthday: “What would you like for your birthday?” becomes “When wouldn’t I hate for my regular day of no significance?” …And that second sentence is TERRIBLY subjective. Are we really even […]

Dear Crimson Dynamo, You’re like the evil, Russian Iron Man, right? His suit runs off of arc reactor technology and his own smug sense of self satisfaction. Does your suit run on potato vodka and Dostoyevsky novels? When you were signing up for the job of “Evil, Russian Iron Man,” did you not think that […]